Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Epic Battle of the Swimsuit

My poem for this month's Perfectly Poetical Tuesday....

The Epic Battle of the Swimsuit

Watching, waiting, finally facing her fearsome foe
Thinking back on the quest that started weeks ago
Our hero saw summer catalogs and without hesitation
Began the first step in her journey: procrastination

She waited a month and then waited some more
At last, she gathered her strength and went to the store
Trudged through the forest of shirts and shorts and slacks
Past swamps of scarves and ties with slides and tacks

She caught her breath as she reached a clearing
Felt the tension grow as her goal she was nearing
Then, from above, she saw a sign she was there
It was brilliant and red and it said "Swimwear"

The enemy crouched motionless, waiting to attack
She surveyed them silently - there was no turning back
She spied surly one-pieces and snickering bikinis
Treacherous separates and deceitful tankinis

The sight of them all was a dread to behold
But there was no time to waste; she had to be bold
One swift sweep of her hand and metal clashed
Colors flashed as hangers flew across the rack

Nothing escaped the eyes or the reach of our hero
Whose battle cry was "Honestly? Who wears size zero?!"
She worked quickly, eliminating suits too big or too small
Too skimpy, too skanky, too gaudy or just not right at all

In the end, it came down to our hero and One
And she knew the real battle had not yet begun
The next fight would put the whole quest in danger of doom
The most perilous part (ladies, you know) is the dressing room

But before she could face the opponent she chose
A voice from the sky said, "5 minutes til close"
Her purchase was made and carried to her domain
Now our hero had an advantage; this was her terrain

After dinner, she decided just to face it and fight it
Without further delay, she shed her armor and tried it
It fit! But, somehow, the day didn't seem victorious
The sight of her reflection made her feel un-glorious

Surveying the damage, our hero simply let out a sigh
Repented chocolate consumption and lamented each thigh
Now, it was no longer the suit which filled her with dread
It was catalog models that mocked her from her head

She wished she looked different - tall and tan and skinny
What's a girl to do against an army of so many?

Just when defeat was starting to loom
The love of her life entered the room
Passing by, he said only "Looks great, hon!"
And then she knew the battle was already won.

Photo by Underpuppy.


  1. BRILLIANT! and so spot-on TRUE! I loved this!

  2. Aw I love it! What a wonderful poem. Read my mind on the whole swimsuit issue!

  3. hahahaha!

    this was BRILLIANT.

    well done.

  4. Great job on the poem! How very true as well.


What do you have to say about that?