Friday, June 20, 2008

The rest of the story

I need to 'fess up.

Today I'm not going to play group. (That's not what I'm confessing.) I'm going to be helping my family with a project. (That's not it either. I'll get there!)

I know that being transparent is an important part of blogging. It's also a big challenge for me. Probably true for a lot of my family. We're not generally announce-it-all-to-the-world people.

Which brings me to my confession. When I started this blog almost a year ago, I already knew my grandma had pancreatic cancer, but I've never written about it here directly. I wasn't sure my family would be okay with me blogging about what we were going through.

But if you read between the lines, there are hints of it.

One of my first posts on this blog was about eating when you need to but don't want to, because I had a friend going through morning sickness - and a Grandma going through chemo.

In August, I started taking care of Grandma while my parents were at work. We would both sit on her bed and watch daytime t.v. and chat about whatever. Sometimes, while she napped, I'd type up a post or work on my shop.

Her nausea persisted. Thanks to Mom, I learned how to sneak extra nutrition into food. (I didn't want Grandma to see me photographing her lunch, so I snuck those photos too!)

Sometime in the fall she started going in and out of the hospital a lot. I would pass these statues - of mother and baby animals - on the way in to where my mother would be sitting holding her mother's hand or helping her eat or speaking with her doctor.

And it was a conversation inside the hospital with Aunty that prompted me to research Rh factor.

In December, Grandma went from the hospital to a Hospice facility then back to her apartment attached to my parents' home.

I typed my New Year's Eve post a few days early. Grandma did not see another New Year. She passed away on December 30, 2007.

I photographed everything in her apartment at my parents' house - knickknacks on shelves, clothes in her closet, lamp on her nightstand - all these things which were so very her.

I shared some of the thoughts I had been contemplating for weeks. But I still didn't feel like blogging about our loss. I guess sometimes it helps to share and other times there's solace remaining quiet.

But here it is now. On the day that I join Mom, Aunty and my cousin L to sort through the last of Grandma's things. And, today, it feels good to share.


Hey, guess what?! Just got some fabulous news. Angela (whose shower I attended in May, remember the crazy weekend of craziness?) was born yesterday - 6/19! And she already owns a pacifier pod. ;)


Photos by me. Except the second one, which I think Dad took.


  1. What memories you have of time spent with your grandma. I'm so sorry that she is no longer with you.

    It is interesting to see how our thoughts, even seemingly unrelated, are still connected to what we are going thru in life.

  2. <3. I know I didn't know her well and I only really met her a couple times, but I thought your grandma was a very special person. Love to you, Steph. -christine

  3. Oh, Christine, you always warm my heart! Love to you too! :)

  4. I'm sorry for your loss of your sweet Grandmother. I remember seeing you at my work and talking to you about her. It is so sad to see cancer take another life.

    It is so precious that you were able to spend so much time with her.


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